We all have different sexual fantasies and desires, and some of us have fetishes that we’d love to bring into the bedroom. However, it can be hard to know how to introduce them if you’re new to this.
A recent article for Glamour pointed out that having a sex fetish is more common than you might think - almost half of respondents to a survey conducted for the Journal of Sex Research in 2017 reported being “into something psychologists consider outside of the “normal” range on the sexual spectrum”.
The magazine explained that fetishes can cover a broad range of areas, from a fetish for a particular thing (such as feet) to a fetish for a place (such as having sex in public).
Founder of the New Society for Wellness (NSFW) and sex education Daniel Saynt explained: “A fetish is sparked when things that seem completely normal bring you great sexual satisfaction and pleasure.”
So, the first point is that you shouldn’t feel weird or ashamed if you have a fetish that you want to explore with a partner.
But how do you introduce one to your sex life, and how do you ensure you maintain a healthy relationship with your fetish?
The first step is always talking about it with your sexual partner. Open up about what turns you on and talk about how you could explore that in the bedroom.
One top tip from the magazine is to start by sharing some of your more “vanilla” sexual fantasies, and acting on those to build up trust, before you introduce the idea of something more adventurous.
Don’t worry if your partner isn’t completely sold on the idea of helping you realise your fetishes either, as there could be ways around this. Saynt suggests watching porn together that includes your fetish as a potential middle ground if your partner really isn’t into your fetish.
Another positive of talking about your fetishes is that it can encourage experimentation in the bedroom, whether that’s in the form of role playing, wearing bondage masks and blindfolds, or using sex toys. The magazine notes that you might even discover a new kink you never knew you had.
The Guardian recently wrote about scheduling sex, and how this can be helpful for some couples who are struggling to find time to be intimate.
It might sound like a total mood killer, but the couples who spoke to the newspaper explained that it’s helped them make time for one another and to introduce more intimacy into long-term relationships.
Andrew was one person who opened up about sex scheduling to the news provider, revealing that him and his wife had started scheduling sex after a “fairly long period” with little sex because parenting got in the way.
Not only does this process mean that the couple now have regular sex, but Andrew also said that it’s allowed him to explore fetishes he hadn’t realised he had.
Who knows, you might even discover a fetish for regimented, organised sex? But whatever you’re doing in the bedroom, the key to experimenting is communicating with your partner and talking about what you want from your sex life.