Everyone’s different; we enjoy different hobbies, we are better at different skills and we feel pleasure in slightly different ways.
A common problem a lot of couples have is when both people have a very different idea of what they want out of sex.
Some people very romantic sex, where two people fondle and touch and slip off their adult lingerie and have a night of passionate but very safe sex, whilst others want sex that is rougher, kinkier, pushes closer to our boundaries.
Because our sexual preferences are so personal to us, we are often far more worried than we need to be about talking about what we would like to try out.
Open Up To Them
The first step though is to be courageous and open up to your partner. Ask them what they want, what they think about what you want, ask them if they’d like to try it, let them know that you would like to try it and see what their reaction is.
Sometimes the first step is just letting your partner know it even is a request.
Think About Values
We are all pretty complicated, and our beliefs and values that are deeply ingrained can affect what we want and do not want out of sex, particularly when it comes to role-playing, kink, BDSM and rough sex.
Because of this, it is not only important to focus on your partners answer but the reasons why they think this
For example, if a man has grown up believing that they must be gentlemanly around women, this can make them hesitant to be rough during sex, as the last thing he wants to do is hurt his partner.
This is why communication and talking to your partner are so important when it comes to sex.
Look Into What Is Possible
Listen to what your partner says and see if there is a way to build towards it. If they seem a bit intimidated by kinky sex, start with spanking, or holding each other down, or dirty talk with each other.
Find where that boundary is and see how close you can get to it, but remember that many aspects of kink play with rougher, darker aspects of sex, so make sure that your partner does not feel uncomfortable.
Sex is about every single person involved, after all.
Find that middle ground towards what you want and see how they react and how they like it. You may have opened up a new, saucier sexual life for each other.
Addition Not Subtraction
When talking about what you want, focus as much on what you already like and what you want a little more. Because sex is so intimate and personal, some people are worried about doing something wrong.
Turn this around and make it about what you want and how you want it. A good lover wants to understand more about you and what drives you wild, and exploring what both of you want is the key to fantastic sex.